How to Not Write A Good Pitch.

This post was originally posted on Birds of a Writer.

Book pitches (or blurbs, but I like to call them pitches) are very important. One could argue that they're the most important factor in whether or not someone will buy your book. I'm sure everyone here could say that they've bought or picked up a book because those 250 or some words on the inside flap or back cover sounded interesting. But I think that most authors end up having pitches that ends up sounding like a bunch of other pitches. So what does and what doesn't make a good pitch?

This has been annoying me a lot lately. Mostly because it seems like I see it on almost every book pitch I read. And I'm sure you've seen lots of these too. And guess what, they're not unique or exciting anymore. Here's what I mean:

1. (Insert character name here) was a normal (girl/boy) who just wanted a normal life. Or something like that. Guess what, people don't read books because they want to read about someone who's life is probably just as boring as their's. And characters who may have had a normal life in the beginning, their lives usually end up never being normal ever again. So why have it? 
2. And nothing is as it seems... Blah, blah, blah. Yeah I get it, in every book nothing is as it seems. And do I really care? Probably not unless it's something really good. My advice: don't even put that in the pitch. It's boring and used way too much. In the book I'm writing, Night Lies, literally nothing is what it seems, but I say that no where in the pitch. Because I want it to be a surprise, something that my readers weren't suspecting. 
3. Nothing will ever be the same... We got that already. Especially when you began the pitch with (Insert character name here) was a normal (girl/boy) who just wanted a normal life. In what story please tell me, is anything ever the same afterwards?
4. (Character name) will learn some startling truths but not only everything else, but him/herself...Really? I had no idea that was going to happen! *sarcasm* 
5. (Main Character) will have to choose between two men/women.Something like that. I've already had this talk about love triangles. They aren't cool anymore. 
6. In a race against time...Doesn't everything end up being a race against time?

Now I'm not saying that you can't put these in your pitch, but when you're writing one, try to be original and not use the same thing we've seen over and over. People want something exciting and fresh, and while these are certainly exciting, they're just used all the time. 

But let's face it. Trying to fit your whole book into 250 (more or less) words is hard. And I'm sure every writer will tell you that. Sure some have it easier than others and some books have easier pitches than others. I've written several pitches for my unpublished books where I came up with a great one in a day while others took me a long time to get it right. 

Oh and the best way to make an especially bad pitch is to write a really good one, but then have the book be something totally different. 

Yeah I saw that once. 

No lie.

Well it wasn't in anything published, but I saw it once on Inkpop. There was this awesome pitch but when I went to read the story, it ended up being something totally different. I wasn't sure if the author meant to do that on purpose or if it was an accident. Because for all I know, the author could have just uploaded the wrong story and have not noticed. Although whatever the case was, it story wasn't all that good anyways. 

The point of that was, if you're going to write an awesome pitch, make sure it has something to do with the story. Because your readers will know that you lied and they will tell all their friends and you'll have lost what could have been a great book. 

Another tip, don't copy another book's pitch just because it's similar to yours and it sounds awesome. You'll most likely be found out and sued for all your worth because you stole some one else's work. That or people will assume that your book is a rip off of another great book and won't read yours. 

So what other things about pitches annoys you? Have you seen any other common pitch sentences? And have you ever read a book where the pitch was different from the story?